A Case Against Self-Determination
The following is the Mia's Space article by GCDD Deputy Director, Pat Nobbie, PhD from the Summer Making a Difference magazine.
I had one of those weeks where I wondered what the heck was I thinking when I gave up the "Because I'm the Mom!" rationale for getting my children to do what I wanted them to do. And also, what was I thinking when I gave Mia an iPhone?
On Father's Day, the family she lives with and a bunch of Mia's friends planned to go to a Braves game. She wanted to go have lunch with her father, but he had planned to do a postponed Father's Day dinner with her and her siblings on Thursday night. I thought, "Great, she can go to the game." I spent Saturday with her explaining how her dad couldn't do lunch the next day and everyone was going to the Braves game. She kept saying she didn't want to go, but I knew she'd have fun. They were going to have pizza afterwards, and I didn't want her home all day when she could hang out with a bunch of friends at Turner Field. So I left with that plan in place.
Nine o'clock that night she called to tell me, "I called Dad, and he's picking me up after church for lunch." What? I thought we had it all set? I had my other daughter call her dad too and she said he couldn't do lunch. Again, I tried to explain how this whole day is going to go to Mia, but the next morning she calls me in tears about why can't she go to church, her class will miss her, etc. Finally we work it out with her and she goes off to the game and has a great day.
The next day is Mia's first week of camp. She lives with the camp director, so it makes sense for Laura to drive her, even though Monday is Fabersha's day. Fabersha agreed to pick her up from camp and do her shift afterward. Then I get a text message from Laura expressing concern about Mia getting to camp on time at 8 AM since Fabersha is driving her. I'm thinking, "No, I worked it out with Fabersha, and you are taking her." It turns out Mia called Fabersha and made her own arrangements! A few phone calls and texts later, we have this situation worked out.
On their late Father's Day dinner, dad wanted everyone over by 5 PM, but Mia had bowling and McDonalds on her schedule. Annie finally convinces her to forego McDonalds, but she has to wait until bowling ends at 5:30 to get her.
Of course, the whole time these re-arrangements are going on, I'm in Washington, DC in a conference ballroom – a cell phone black hole. Every time I emerge, I have a series of texts or calls I have to respond to before something else falls apart. The good news is Mia is managing her life. The bad news is Mia is managing her life!
Oh, and the iPhone thing? She learned how to go on Game Center and download games. Her phone bill was $53.00 over the $29.99 unlimited data package for iPhones. Do I hear "parental controls" anyone?
